A New Decade, A New Beginning

Hello all! Hope everyone is doing well.

Goodbye (20)00's, welcome (20)10's. The past decade has brought many changes in our lives - good and bad. Most importantly our marriage and our children. Both have contributed significantly to making me a better person and I am thankful everyday for my wife and children.

Right now I am in a bit of uncertainty with my career and schooling. My new job hasn't quite worked out the way I had hoped. Very demanding, little reward and I recently found out that I will no longer be in the position that I hired in for, with no clear path of where I'm going. Quite frustrating to say the least. I've discussed my possibilities with Melissa but we haven't really came to an agreement on what I should do. I've got a little bit of time before any changes will come about, but I don't want to wait until the last minute to make a decision. I'm not happy and for the first time in a very long time I don't look forward to going into work every day.

My schooling is becoming much more difficult with the demands of my job. At the end of my work day I am usually completely exhausted and have no drive to open a text book to study. I've been going to school and working full-time for over 5 years and I feel it is starting to take a serious toll on my emotional and physical wellness. Our boys are getting older and at a stage where I feel I need to spend as much time with them as possible - provide the male guidance I rarely had growing up. The guilt of being away from them that I have been able to rationalize in the past has begun to manifest itself into a much heavier burden. I miss them dearly every second I am away. The sleep deprived days from the previous nights of studying has started to wear my body down. I feel as though I cannot get enough sleep on the weekends to compensate from the few hours I squeeze in during the week. I know I am not the most physically fit person and I don't want to be in the Indy Star obit at 40 years old.

Basically, the future that I've put in a lot of time and effort to has become an unknown when I thought everything I was doing was helping to make it more predictable. I don't want a cardboard cutout life but I also need some stability. Not sure what is going to happen in the next few months but as long as I can come home to the same people I know I can handle it.

Take care.